2011-10-17

"Magi, folk och ande" Essay in Swedish

So this is an essay in Swedish that i made for a birthday present for my brother. Its not only a birthday present, its also simply an esay about magic, about MY magic. If thats how the cookie crumbles i will translate it, but that will take some time, since many of the concepts does not have known correlations in english, at least not known to me. So here it goes:

Förtext: Denna essä handlar om förbjuden kunskap. Det vill säga den handlar om sådan kunskap som normalt är förbjuden. Essän ligger på gränsen mellan vansinne, magi och vetenskap. Fortsätt läs på egen risk. Det är det bästa jag någonsin skrivit hittills. Den är polemisk, något aggressiv och humoristisk om man är lagd åt det hållet. Formateringen härmar pappersorginalet, och formateringen är troligen en stor del av hur den ska läsas. 


Essän är nedtecknat av den kropp som normalt knattrar på tangentbordet när den här bloggen skapas, men den är inte skriven av mig. Den är skriven av det tidlösa, det oändliga. Det finns inga stavfel i den, även om det verkar så. Dess språk går utanför det som normalt kallas "Svenska". För det mesta anser jag att alltsammans är totalt svammel, inte värt den minsta blick eller ansträngning.


Nu ska jag säga sanningen.
Nu ska jag säga sanningen som jag ser den.
Det här är inte mysigt, det här är fan inte trevligt
Det finns ingen jävla punchline, inget jävla
drama eller nån jävla kulturfluff.
Den här sanningen kommer inte från hjärtat, inte
från själen, och inte från hjärnan.
Den här sanningen är inte rolig, och inte till för
underhållning.
Den här sanningen är inte till för att du ska
kunna säga lustiga saker till dina kompisar
medan du fördummar och förstör världen.
Jag ska inte använda bökiga ord eller skit jag
hittat i nån dammig jävla bok, för sånt
är bara så jävla fjantigt.
Jag vill troligtvis att du slutar låtsas lyssna/
läsa nu! Vill du verkligen veta, så lyssna/läs,
men vet att det är stor risk för mordiskt
vansinne, som är permanent.
Jag känner människor som helt sluta fungera i
samhället när dom började lukta på magi.

_________________________________________

Magi är vansinne, all magi är vansinne, sinnesjukdom,
koko i pallet. Det är med andra ord nånting som
du definitivt inte ska ge dig in på om du vill
ha en familj, saker, pengar, ett hem, fysisk hälsa.
Ja om du vill kunna fungera som människa i
samhället ska du inte hålla på med magi, nånsin.

Ett annat ord för magi är fantasi, men det är
ett jävligt fjantigt ord, förresten både fantasi och
magi är jävligt dåliga, jävligt fjantiga ord.
Du tror kanske det är vifta med händerna och
mummla nå ord och hora ut sig till några
"makter" (Ordet "makter" är det även en cirkel runt.) <Författare: Okänd


Folk är inte till för nånting. Det är äckliga
svin och värdelösa översittare som tänker att
man kan använda folk. Människor är en yttepytte,
svinliten del av folk. Man kan säga att all magi
kommer från folk, eller nu skriver jag så i alla fall.
Folk
Folk är ett ganska bra, mycket gammalt ord från
före det rent sagt gick åt helvette. Vad menar
jag med ett bra ord? Vi tänker på samma sak när vi
hör eller läser det, det är till och med bara därför
jag skriver på svenska nu.

___________________________________________

Du vet när du var liten och du kände att det var
någon under sängen eller i garderoben, så hade
du rätt, det var någon där. Är inte det en
helt utflippad och totalt galen inställning? Ja, det är det,
helt rätt, jag sa ju det för fan.

Jag är helt värdelös på att skriva, och mycket sämre
talare. Nu har jag sagt det och du får tro mig
eller göra vad fan du vill.

Folk är inte personer. Du är inte en person, du är
inte en individ. Det där är 1800 tals svammel
Det vill säga i stort sett allt du vet är
troligen svammel. I stort sett allt du vet har
äckliga svin kokat ihop helt i onödan, för
egentligen tror du inte på det. Nåja hur som
helst, nu lyckades jag stapla veden så jag kan
se papperet hyfsat, var var jag? Just det, saker magi
inte är...

Magi är inte småborgerligt horeri eller nånting för
vänsteridioter, ej heller nånting för högersvin, moderat-
jävlar, mjökiga centerpartister eller sånt. Man kan
inte ha en kult och lära ut det, man kan inte
grunda nån långdragen religionsgrej och ha speciellt
töntiga kläder och mummla ramsor. Om jag skulle
vara så sjukt jävla dum i huvet att jag
försöka lära nån det, så skulle jag vänta tills jag
blev 60 år, eller nått sånt

_________________________________________________

och skulle jag vara så sjukt dum när jag är 53 år
att jag försöker, då ska fan förutsätta att det
tar 25 år att lära en elev det, och då får jag
ligga i så in i helvette.

Magi är inte bra att ha en till ett jävla skit,
så vitt jag vet. Det går inte att läsa tankar,
se genom folks kläder, eller styra väder och vind,
skydda eller anfalla. Varför skulle man hålla på med
det då? För det är inget man håller på med.

Alla folk är magiker. Ingen är nä  bättre eller sämre
än  nån annan, det finns inga bra magiker och
inga dåliga. Bra och dåligt är sån där Abrahamitisk
hjärntvättning. Jag är definitivt inte magiker.
Alla människor är magiker, eftersom människa är en
liten underkategori av "folk", som jag förklarade
tidigare.

Magin är bron mellan filosofin, mystiken och magin.
Det är märkligt hur magin kan vara en bro över sig
själv, men så är det i alla fal, vissa broar är bara
jävligt skum.

____________________________________________

Vet du hur det är att inte sova på en vecka?
Vet du hur det är att leva i en värld där kärleken
får finnas klockan 9 till 11 och samtidigt i
en värld där kärleken är gränslös?
Vet du hur det är att leva med tusen döda
röster som maler i evinerlighet?
Vet du hur det är att hela tiden behöva, behöva
ignorera och göra nånting helt annat?
Vet du hur man ställer ut konst för folk som knappt syns?
Magin är i folket, bakom folket, under folket, på
sidan om folket, mellan folket, genom folket ja överallt.
Men det finns inte mycket magi eller lite magi,
det är konstant, permanent, sfäriskt.

Det hände flera saker idag, som jag kommer ta
upp igen och gå och klura på om 20 år. Dom
flesta dagar är bland annat på det viset, för mig.
Det var nån amerikan eller flera jag brukar
snacka med som tyckte jag skulle spela in spoken word.
Lät lite kul då, nu är jag mer inne på att vara tyst, väldigt tyst.

Det hände flera saker idag som inte var riktigt
OK, inte logiska, rimmade illa med rim och reson,
och nu snackar vi endast vad människorna gjorde mot
varandra. En slags tydlig disharmoni, en
jävla kalabalik helt enkelt.

__________________________________________________

Övn 1 Magi utan att det märks
Vill man bli vis ska man lägga sig till
med helt nya sätt att betrakta tillvaron:
                                      1 grej/dag

  • Prova prata fortare
  • Prata långsamt
  • Andas mer från magen
  • Andas ut sakta, typ 3 sekunder per utandning.
  • Ge fan i att sova, men drick inte kagge eller så,
          asså fuska inte. Prova sitta utan stöd för ryggen.

  • Be more kind to someone then the situation would
          normally demand.

  • Use as few words as possible, but try to
          express the same meaning as you normally
          would.

  • If you have no evil at heart, try doing the
          first thing that pops into your mind, right as it
          happens.

  • If you get up early normally, get up late, and
         vice versa.

  • Skit in att fara till jobbet, du behövs inte ändå,
          en annan slav tar din plats i den blodiga grop
          som är din usla lott i det malande fuktiga
          låtsaspengaekonomin som i stort sett bygger på
         fluglort och militärvåld.

  • Glöm allting
  • Försök komma ihåg så många detaljer som
          möjligt vid ett tillfälle, men ljug inte. Skriv ner! Släng
         sedan listan.
       
_______________________________________________________

Övn 2 Vad fan håller du på med ?
Ställ nån slags jobbigt alarm så det ringer
vid exempelvis 26 minuter efter varje hel timme.
När larmet ringer, skriv ned i detalj vad du gör:
Var är du? Håller du nånting i händerna, i så fall
vad? Har du det trevligt? Är du törstig? Hade
det varit roligare att göra något annat, vad som
helst, vad i så fall? Vad har du för kläder och
varför? Vad tycker du är en övergripande, generell
karraktärisering av vad du gör såsom: Tränar judo,
cyklar till Leffe, bakar bröd, pratar mer nån, rullar
tummarna, klättrar i berg, kör bil osv...

Övning 3 Nu kastar vi farliga besvärjelser
Ja alltså, nu tar vi dom farliga besvärjelserna, och så
gör vi oss av med dom. Såhär gör man:
Var bland folk du känner, eller i alla fall bekanta.
När du tänkt göra nånting, oavsett vad, ge fan i det och
tänk såhär: Om jag inte var mig själv, (som du ändå inte är)
och jag såg ut som den människan jag samtalar med, har
samma ålder, kön, bakgrund och så vidare, skulle jag inte då
vilja trivas där jag var, vara frisk och ha det spännande?
   Ja, bra, agera så då mot alla. Det är total kärlek in
action.

En liten inflikning: Man ska inte hålla på med
övningar i magi så jätteofta, man måste ta pauser på
mellan fem minuter och femtio år.

_______________________________________________________

Ande
Människor förr i tiden såg harar som drog kärror, män som
spelade fiol i bäckar och demonhundar. Dom levde och dog med
sådana sanningar. Allting sitter ihop med allting, så det dom såg
sitter ihop med slevar, hus och tallar, alltså mer ordinära
ting. Men sagorna om troll, rå och tomtar var lika verkliga
som alla andra saker. Om man verkligen förstår att allting
sitter ihop, har kontakt med samma källa, så skingras
ALLA illusioner och lögner.

Någontings ande, eller något folks ande är summan av
dess mest basala och mest intressanta egenskaper. En av
de mest basala egenskaper hos folk, är livet. Det är
därför som vi säger: "Anden har lämnat hennes kropp" om
någon som dött. Det är därför som vi inte klarar oss
utan vår ande, i alla fall inte speciellt bra som levande.

Vi människor och även andra folk kan lära sig om någon
eller någots egenskaper, vi upplever något direkt,
får det berättat för oss eller läser om det.
Om man medvetet använder sig för lyfta in
någots ande i sin kropp, så kan man kalla det för
divinering, eller att divinera.

En viktig sak är dock att det inte finns något som
är skiljt från den ursprungskälla som är evig. Det gör att
man inte kan divinera en speciell ande, bortsett från
ursprungskällans ande, där alla egenskaper slumrar.
Detta innebär att det är omöjligt att divinera en
specifik död människa. Man kan divinera alla intressanta


___________________________________________________

egenskaper hos en död människa, men aldrig människan
själv, eftersom hennes kropp är död. Man kan således
aldrig heller divinera en levande människa helt och hållet,
själv, inte divinera människan själv.

Det finns gott om hjälpmedel vid divinering, dräkter,
föremål, berättelser, preparat, personer, eldar, skor, stenar,
bilder, symboler, halsband, ringar, byggnader, kåtor,
tält, platser ja allt möjligt helt enkelt. Divinering är en stor del
av mystik såväl som magi. Ibland kallas det något annat.
Alla kulturer divinerar på ett eller annat sätt. En
människa som tar på sig kostym och åker till jobbet är en
sorts divinering, ett barn som klär ut sig, en präst som
tar på sig ett kors, en nåid som trummar, allt detta
kan sägas vara en sorts divinering. Alla typer av
hjälpmedel kan kallas "material".

Divinering handlar om att påverka sig själv. När man
påverkar sig själv så påverkar man hur man uppfattar
sig själv. Divinering är en fruktansvärd och underbar
kraft. I fel händer kan det leda till psykos, självmord,
världskrig eller kanske värre. I rätt händer kan det leda
till evig kärlek, visdom, en bättre väg, harmoni, dold kunskap,
glömd kunskap, ny kunskap

Im moving to two places

Im moving to two places at once while chucking poems, pictures, sculptures, conversations, rituals, essays, necklaces, and stuff and love where ever i go, so no more fucking around on this blog until the end of the month. Mostly stuff on paper since its being done from the forest or at least the fireplace behind Teatermaskinens enormous building. Snapped a few pics of the place fer yah to look at later.

2011-10-09

About the the concept of perception and divination

I will let myself be inspired by Gadamer. Its not important why or who he was.

The most basic form of experience is to recognize that something is happening. Something that changes the former order of how things are arranged and produced a new order of what has become. Be that as it may when it comes to qualify as "interesting" or "uninteresting", its still pretty much how the predominant way of "making reason" is achieved.

Perception is a matter of predisposition. Meaning without hands or something like that, you cant grasp things. Without eyes you cannot see. With no passages for sound to travel into the ear, there can be no "sound". Thus we can only perceive what we are prepared to see.

So perception is a matter of the mind to some, may i say large extent? Meaning, what we see is determined to some degree by the objects that we perceive. Please read "objects" with a wide sense of meaning.

So...

Divination is a matter of changing what you perceive to be the case. Willingly i might add. Is this some sort of hokus pokus trickery? Certainly not. If a conscious action is undertaken to try to bring about change or anything else, that in itself is at least to some small extent divination,

2011-10-07

I was trying to sleep and i saw these figures...

I see things quite often when i close my eyes as i plan to sleep. When i was a kid it was mostly the stuff i did during the day. Now its that and other things.

I was at my dads place making necklaces. Even before i closed my eyes there was a dude. All dressed, painted or naturally white. Long hair, also white. He was on the right and he got there first. Then there was this mask or maybe a grinning, laughing demon on the left. Beind the demon there was mountains and tents. I saw no people among the tents although i looked for them so as to identify them. Then in the middle there was a figure with many layers of torn clothing, and possibly a pointed head. It had kind of like four or five layers of dark cloaks that was all shredded blowing every which way in the wind. Then that was pretty much it. I lookedö at it for a while and the figures looked back at me. After a while all that cleared away and a bit later i fell asleep. I awoke from my father coughing across the hall. I thought about it for a few hours and then fell asleep, got up, grinded the last two necklaces, put a 45 degree turned Andreas cross on me and left.

Snapped these on monday





I just cant stop taking pictures of the sun and the sky, its so damn beatiful. Sometimes it strikes me so much that i shed a tear.

Made these necklaces on wednesday and thursday

They are necklaces made of hardend wrought steel, accept the lower right most one, thats steel in the middle and copper outside of a steel core. I made another one but my dad packed it for my brother so fast i didnt have to time take a picture of it, im giving it for his birthday. Think ive made about 20 necklaces so far, most of them bobbing up and down on different peoples chests right now, or just lying around forgotten in some drawer. I was not done grinding the top three when i took the photo so they are a bit more shiny now like the lower ones, who i did grind and put leather cords around before the shot. If anyone wants one of these, just gimme a holler and an idea of what you want or something like that and i will send it to yah.

POs sheep


Thats my dads neighbours animals. They seemed so to hae such a good time that i thought id show you. It was funny, i slowly walked closer until the closes one of them started eyeing me. That was the most blank stare ive ever seen. It just stood completely still and stared at me for a long time. Eventually i got tired and walked closer and it got a bit upset and walked off to its buddies.

Made these on tuesday

Its potatobread. It was tasty, but feels kind of like a stone in the belly, so it will fill you up good. Its super simple to make:

Boil a bunch of tatoes. Make them cold. Squash the whole bunch to bits. Pour a bunch of non glutenous flour at the whole thing. Mash it around. No water or yeast or anything. Squash em out somehow. I used my hands and it works just fine. You can use a bit of flour on your hands or the table, that will keep em together better. Fry it with a bit of butter on both sides. Done.

If you are a numbercruncher its about 200 grams of tatoes per 0.1 litres of flourmix. I made about 800 grams of tatoes, and mixed with 0.4 litres of flour mix and that was maybe three meals.

Preferably eat it fresh, or at least heat them before you eat it.

2011-10-04

Dialogue About Aleister Crowley and enlightenment in general

I think he searched so hard, so long for something that when he got old he just got tired of searching for it and went nuts since a lot of his activities seemed in vain. I know exactly what he was looking for, and he would have found it if he just stopped looking. So he died quiet miserably. There is a lot of people like him, people who go around searching for something, they dont quite know what it is but they have to keep moving, keeping doing things, pulling things, carrying things, getting upset and so on. In his own words he was searching for his holy guardian angel. To me thats a reinterpretation of enlightenment. Well i bet he found enlightenment every now and then, and wanted to go back to that. I dont think he ever learned to appreciate being human. Its kind of sad really, wouldnt you agree?
   But still, the reason i bring him up... You know its an important reason. I dont know how much you know about the guy, and i dont think it really matters. He was a person like you and me. He knew how to read and write and talk to people and bake bread and stuff like that. Not very different from you and me. He had bent up anger and problems, just like you and me. Anyway...
   He was searching for something. And in a sense we all are every time we move, dont matter if its just a muscle or more, its still a search, a movement of the body. We induce it with our mind, or so they say. But what induced the will to do something in the first place? It cant be the body, it dont give commands right? And it cant be the mind since the mind seem to be the one giving commands to the body. So really, where does the commands come from that originate in the mind?
   You know what? I really like being wrong. Being right is boring, you know what is going to happen in advance, and there it happens. If i know it in advance, it already sort of happend! See what i mean? Boring, right? Well it is i say. Its much more interesting to keep guessing, keep being surprised. So what do i do? I go there. What do i mean by that? I try to be wrong, i try to be on my toes, i try to keep guessing all the time. It keeps me sharp. And god damnit am i wrong? Oh boy oh boy, all the friggin time!
   I dont really know why i started writing about Crowley, aint much special about him, hes just like the rest of us, he puts on his pants one leg at a time. He couldnt do no hokus pokus and WHAM he got himself a home made apple pie. No sire! But, and this is very important i think, we humans are very special. We are trumendous beings on this planet. We can plan ahead thousands of years and we can actually save knowledge for eternity. We can tell people thousands of years in advance what is going to happen if they do what we did, or what people before us did and what the consequences where.
   The way i see it, we can even send messages into the future, heck thats what we are doing right now! I print this motherfucker out and slap it on my wall. No matter if i die, somebody is going to read a bit of it as they tare it down some day. They see all kinds of crazy shit about the military industrial complex and shit they aint ever heard about! Really weird shit! And maybe, just maybe among all that crap they might find a line saying something: "I dont give a fuck who you are, i love you until you die you crazy motherfucker."
   They may just say: "What the fuck is this nutcase on about?" as they see all that crap scribbled on the walls or in some worn old ledger or something. But maybe, just maybe they bring that thing home. And maybe when they are a bit older they read that crap again and they go: "Hm maybe he just ment that. Maybe its that god damn simple." And then they get up and wiggle away on their robotlegs or what ever the fuck i dont know, and tell some friend about. Maybe the friend has a look in that old ledger. Maybe the friend prints it back into saveable computer form, as it once was written. Funny huh, that might happen. You cant say for sure its not going to happen at least. Beucase you are just like me, you are wrong a lot. So i dont matter if you dont think it can happen, you can still be wrong about that. See how that bitch works? Its a double edged dagger for sure.

2011-10-03

I have a content (short poem about being human)

I have a content
I have a substance
I have a specific cognitive configuration
I have a specific way of being that is me
I have a complete first hand experience

I occupy a space in the spiral arm called "The milky way".

Yet im nothing on my own
And im thankfull for that

I do love you (Aphorism inspired by Bob Dylan)

I do love you. But im not going to bake a cake or stand in front of the stove when you get home from work. I wont change the diapers on your kids or pour you some wine without asking. I wont make love to you  even though i dont want too. I wont drive you here and there. I wont talk bullshit all day until your ears fall off. No i wont do any of that. I said i love you, i didnt say im your slave. Please dont fucking confuse the two. Slavery is not love.

Metaphysical aphorism

The arrangement of objects in three dimensional space and its temporal configuration bears no given relation to the being of the ego. So the early empirical and possibly later analytical sentiments is not subject to effect and consequence.

"The meeting" Short story

This story is perhaps mainly inspired by Fritz Lieber, JRR Tolkien, H.P Lovecraft, Virginia Wolff. Also the mode of storytelling is inspired by the old testament writings, Homeros and the stories of "Arabian nights". It begins with three chapters, one for each main character, and the following three chapters is about what happend when they met the first time. 


Ks epilogue

K ducked and weaved. She saw her chance and swooped at her opponents foot, but he was quick and lifted that foot to kick at middle height. K smiled as her feint was successful and she was prepared for that and swooped at the other foot. Her opponent went down heavily and the crowd in the circular stone room cheered. Younger apprentices came up to her and asked her all sorts of questions. She answered some and told the rest to stop bugging her. She walked out of the cellar but someone followed her up the stairs. She turned. It was a middle aged woman with a shaved head and a powerful body.
The woman: There is something we need to discuss.
K nodded.
K: Aye i know, i know. Well im off for a beer or six, so if you want to talk, you got to drink.

They went to four different taverns in Wolfs creek before they found one that was not packed to the brim with sweating, dancing, drinking and fucking people. Finally they found a table and an old man with long brown hair dressed in only torn pants with stains dirtied the table some more with his rag, pushing some clean bones of the table before they sat down.
Tavern man: Whaddleitbe you lousy old whores?
K: What a nice attitude you old shitface!
K tried to grab the old man by the waist of his pants, but he was quick and backed off.
Tavern man: Hey! No touching, says so onnasign up above eh? You forgot how to read from all those dirty jobs killing old harmless fools in the middle of the night or whateverthefuck it is you guys do all night around when yer not getting pissed in our fine establishment of such fine quality or whateverthefuck i dunno...
K: Lazlo just hand us some beer and some of that shit you call "meat". Buy yourself a beer also and come sit her before i tare those pants off of you!
Lazlo: Sorry my fair lady, i need to work my stay.
K slapped a shiny silver coin on the table hard enough to make an imprint among beer stains and grease from animal fat.
Lazlo: But ifn i pay my beater some o datt, she might not beat me today ifn i sit here o say most the evening entertaining our fine guests and their fine asses or whatever...
Lazlo trailed off between dancing people. As he got out of sight, he returned quickly with a small barrel and three pitchers. He had to dodge a swinging elbows and feet as he made his way across the room where far too many people where dancing far to violently.
Lazlo: Meat is out, cause cook is out.
K swallowed some beer. Then she peered into the pitcher.
K: There is something alive in here swimming around.
Lazlo: I know, thats what we call "spice"! Gets there all by itself, neat huh?
The middle aged woman spoke: My name is Godiva of the seven suns. Im not sure your liquid qualifies as beer, so i think ill chill out for today, ifn your beater wont get angry and come beat me.
Lazlo: No she to fat, stays in the kitchen anyway.
K: Why dont she make us some meat then?
Lazlo: Well she is the cook for the night, or was, as the first one fell asleep in the gutter. Now she is also sleeping, on the kitchen floor i might add.
K: Is there some kind of occasion today as everyone seems to get drunker then usual?
Lazlo: I bet there is, only i never keep track of those things. How am i to notice if people drink themselves stupid, or if they drink themselves really stupid? Maybe id notice if id care.
Lazlo shrugged and the wear and tare of many years living like there is no tomorrow came upon his wrinkled face.
K put her empty pitcher down and put her hand on Lazlos arm.
K: Hey i can getcha outta here! Your wife dont control you!
Lazlo lowered his head and then looked back up at K.
Lazlo: I loveer! I lover her to my death.
K: Dont shut yoself in the prison of the mind! You are free Lazlo! We are all free!
Lazlo: In that case i made my choice, i want her! I stay. Ive been here for fifty years!
Lazlo laughed and K got a sad expression on her face.
Godiva: Lazlo, i hope you dont mind if i have a serious talk with K?
Lazlo: Sure, ifn its no secret stuff yah mind if i sit here and look at your clean faces moving?
Godiva: You are welcome to.
Godiva put her hand on Lazlos other arm. K smacked her empty pitcher down again and Lazlo filled it. She smacked it down again and Lazlo filled it once more without looking.
K: So es what you come here to say to me Gody?
Godiva: Stop calling me that. Yes i wanted to tell you there is no place for you among the Shadows any more.
Lazlo yawned. Ks eyebrows became wrinkled. Lazlo fell asleep on the table and started snoring.
Godiva: They are moving in for you, trying to get you out of the council. They dont like it that your are loyal to the usurper.
K: But i wassa a righfoll usurpachon!
Godiva: They dont think so. They are going to vote against you, and if that wont work, they are going to put a hit on you.
K: Thass unfair!
K slapped her empty pitcher down and Lazlo filled it in his sleep.
Godiva: Im just relying the information to you.
K: But yer in the friggin council!
K tried to focus her eyes.
Godiva: Yes.
K stood up so the chair behind her fell over and she almost tripped backwards but she regained her balance. She pointed at Godiva.
K: So yer tellin me you gonna kill me?
Godiva: Calm down, sit down. You know the drill. You are too good at some things, make us look bad.
K was standing, but not firmly. Her eyes became black with rage and she leaped at Godiva but things got very dark, very quickly.
When she came to she was in the air. She stopped being in the air and very quickly started to be on the stones outside of the tavern called "Imras". She tried to stand but it didnt work out so good. There where two guards outside.
K fists where pounding. She looked at them. There where little sores and nicks on her knuckles and blood. Mostly not her though. She looked at the guards.
K: Whadd did i do?
One of the guards: Maybe you just killed one of the seven masters of the Shadow guild. Shes laying in there coughing blood from a broken windpipe. Aint much left of her lower jaw, mostly its on the dance floor here and there. All good fun in Imras tavern huh? Lazlo told us not to rip your fucking head of, otherwise we would have, easily. The guard flexed big muscles and move his right hand to show a knuckleduster with spikes. If you want to live i suggest you get the fuck outta here you stupid woman. You got about eight seconds before the guild finds out and sets fifteen assassins on your pretty little ass.
K got up and started running northeast.


Jakes epilogue



Jake: But if you can make gold, why not do that? We can pay for a better house, we can...
Jake was interrupted by an old wolfman.
The wolfman: If out abou thaff. If noff noff if forks.
Jake: But Nagaro, are we not supposed to do good in this world?
Nagaro: Yeff.
Jake: But then let us do this, let us give food to the poor, let us buy a better house, lets build wells with magic and...
Nagaro: Calm bown myf fild. Thaff whaff we mowe in ou haeff.
Jake: Please, i can hardly understand you.
Nagaro concentrated and closed his eyes. He mumbled a few ancient words. Jake could hear the same voice, but without the lips of a wolf. It was a deep, very calm and steady voice, talking slowly, choosing every word carefully.
Nagaro: Magic is not to be replaced with desire. You talk of your own desire to do good in this world. But magic is not good, its not evil either. But if you follow your desire and your whim, it will eventually lead to the dark side. I know it may seem strange, but you need to take it from me who knows, it will kill you or drive you into the darkness. You need to know magic before you can use it. The most important aspect right now of knowing magic, is knowing what magic is appropriate.
Nagaro made a pause and shifted his old creaking body.
Nagaro: Besides, i cant actually make gold, not gold that is around for a long time. But there are those who can, and those who do it. An artificer can tell the difference between that gold and non magical gold. We call that gold witches gold, since the witches make it. Where ever it ends up, it seems to wreak havoc. A well, that i can build with magic, and i have done so. But like i said, knowing what magic is appropriate at what time is often more important then to know how to use it.
Jake: Why is that?
Nagaro: A very intelligent question. Its because the magic is not in our control. Magic is basically wild, no-one controls it. But the gods know when we use it and many of them are very jealous. Most magic is cheating also, it twists the original will of the gods. Most of the gods would want to remove all magic. Some mortals who gained enough power and wisdom have become godlike. We call those "avatars". Most often they do the bidding of a god or a few gods. I had to teach you three kinds of magic, but there really are an infinite amount of kinds, so there are really only one kind and that is magic itself.
Nagaro shifted his body again and his old joints creaked.
Nagaro: Magic is not separated, magic is everywhere. It crawls under every rock and runs in every river. It goes through us and is inside of us. It cant be stopped, even if some gods are trying to stop it. If it stops, everything stops. There are places like that, and i suggest you dont go there. The plains of ash is one such place. We where there once in your initiation, so as to accustom you to it, since you will go there again.
Jake: How do you know i will go there again?
Nagaro: I have seen it in your eyes. You have the searching flame in them. All who have goes to the Plains of ash at least once.
Jake: Where you there?
Nagaro: When i was young a long time ago.
Jake: What happend?
Nagaro: I found you.
Jake: What im not human?
Nagaro: You look human.
Jake: Why have you never told me this?
Nagaro: You where not ready, now you are. As ready as you can be at least.
Jake: Tell me about the plains.
Nagaro: No.
Jake: Im not supposed to know?
Nagaro: Thats not it, you are supposed to know what you become to know. You are just not ready yet to know, you cannot know. Even if i tell you, its only words. You will attach meaning to my words and not be perceptive when you get there. And you need to be perceptive when you get there, or you wont last.
Jake: I dont understand.
Nagaro: Thats the point. Lets move on.
They both drank some wine and smoked on a pipe as the fire heated the air in the small tent. The air was filled with the scent of flowers. Jake slumped backwards and supported himself on a rock covered in runes.
Nagaro: Your god is old. He is tired. He wont protect you. You need to know that.
Jake: What god is that?
Nagaro: I cant say.
Jake: You dont want to, you are afraid to, you dont know, what do you mean?
Nagaro: I cant comment, because i cant describe him, i cant put my finger on who it is, but i know his influence. If you need protection in your life, for what ever reason, dont look to the gods. They will kill you or ignore you. Generally they dont like you.
Jake: Why?
Nagaro: I already told you, please use your mind.
Jake was silent. Then he nodded.
Nagaro: So if you need someone to watch your back, its going to be a mortal being. And remember not to draw to much attention to yourself. You know how to clean things with magic and how to form a field. You are not yet proficient in directing a field of magic but you will get better. I cant tell you what else you need to learn, but i know there we be a bunch of people, mortals and immortals that will try to affect you in different ways. I know you will have good friends, you will be betrayed, you will love and you will die as a mortal. I know more, but should not say. You know the basics of how not to hurt yourself and other people with magic, and that is very important. Thats the first reason you where accepted into our midst.  Now i can see this place is getting to small for you, so i think its best you leave.
Jake: I thought about asking you of permission to leave, but i wasnt planning on doing it this year.
Nagaro: You have been my apprentice far longer then you know, and i know you far better then yourself. You are too young and experienced to leave, but its best you do anyway. Go east past Wolfs creek. Preferably dont go inside. Then go around and head northeast. Dont bring anything on your journey except a little food and water. Nagaro stood up and bowed to his apprentice.
Nagaro: You are no longer an apprentice, you are free wizard. Not a very knowledgeable or experienced one but still. Dont tell anyone of your magic. If you have to use it, do it even though people might see you. But remember there are a lot of jealous people out there. A lot of them wants to make gold and wells in the easiest possible manner. They dont know about the consequences, they dont know how the gods operate.
   They hugged and Jake was alone in the tent. He sat down with a considering look on his face. Time came to a halt and Jake fell into his meditation. He awoke with a slap on his face. He was lying on the tent floor. A small orange cat was licking its paw. Jake scratched the cat and it climbed up his arm and went down the hood of his robe.
Jake: Siana dont eat through that again.
The cat called "Siana" purred in his robe.
Jake ate and drank and fed the cat.
Jake: Can you go outside to see what they are doing, if they are in a circle i dont want to disturb them. Im really hungry i think i have been away for days. Im really weak so we need to get some food. I guess you are as hungry as well right?
Siana slowly climbed her way out of the hood and slumped on to the floor, eyeing Jake before she crawled beneath the flap of the tent door. She quickly came back.
Jake: Can we go?
The cat stretched her back and licked her paw.
Jake: Well?
The cat crawled out of the tent again and Jake followed.

Shodds epilogue


Priest: What does it mean?
Shodd: Thats an imprecise question, it are not aware of the object of which it spoke.
The priest indicated with his left arm towards the symbols Shodd was paintint in a stunted, wide script in front om himself on the stone floor. The priest lowered his arm and Shodds eyebrows pulled closer, wrinkles formed on his forehead. He leaned away from the symbols and turned his head.
Shodd: Its not aware that it is aware of that. 
The priest got a mindful expression. As he leaned forward to sit, Shodd supported the old man. The old man sat down with a solemn expression and looked at Shodds face who was again in a state of relaxation. Water poured slowly in the background down a gentle slope of stone. Two young elf women sat down close to Shodd and Shodd and the priest nodded at them.
Shodd: Does it know what it means?
Shodd looked at the older of the women as he spoke. She had dark brown skin and a massa of curled black hair. Now that he thought about it, he was far from sure if she was old or young.
The elf woman: This one.
The woman pointed to one of the symbols, a thin line bent at ninety degrees in the middle.
The elf woman: This one be exactly as my "elbow", as i learned it from childhood. 
Shodd raised his eyebrows and was quite for a while. Birds chirped above the group.
Shodd: Eerh, that dont make much sense. It doesnt know in what context these are, but it perceived it at night, when Bolgove was weaving its unconscious weave.
The elf woman laughed. The other three cracked a smile. The other elf had short hair and was shorter then the first.
The smaller elf woman: It mighta be a yahknow whatchamacallit slanderprophecy or lika blunderprophecy. Looksie you lika gottit all a wrong eh? Yah see eh this eh?
She pointed to another symbol that looked like a square with three pins poking through the bottom but not the top. 
The smaller elf woman: Is ah...Is ah somethinn commin yah, butha havin to come backa yeah?
Shodd: Like something is in the wrong place and has to go some other place?
The smaller elf woman: No aaah its ah... Like defence. Somethinn is beinga defendedd, yah?
Shodd: Ok maybe...
Shodd fell silent. He scratched his head. The smaller elf woman stretched out a hand with claws and touched Shodds hand.
The smaller elf woman: Is name "Finder". Is sorry bad imperial speak eh? I gotta learn it in odder place.
Shodd: Dont worry about it. Its name is Shodd. Shodd pointed to himself.
The priest grabbed Shodds arm. Shodd saw fear in his eyes. Quickly shodd stood up at the same time as a dwarf came running into the stone ring. The dwarf drew a huge axe from his back and looked at Shodd. Both the elfs ran out of sight down the slope between the rocks. Shodd and the dwarf followed in their steps. A young man was running toward the steep hill where the temple was situated. From his left arm an arrow protruded. The two elf women got to him first and catched him as he fell. Shodd jumped on top of a rock. He gazed into the distance. He could see a group of people coming towards the temple. They had a banner. There where at least ten of them and one ogre.
Shodd: Itsa thea witch an eh followuz!
Most of the other people at the temple had gathered some of them where pointing towards the group of people in the distance.
The priest: They have come to take over the temple, to sanctify it in their bloodgods name. Dont stand in their way, they will kill you.
Shodd bent down and picked up a heavy rock and a dead tree trunk from the firewood. Shodd looked at the priest and the priest looked back. The dwarf was standing beside Shodd with his axe drawn. The elf woman called "Finder" was floating in the air beside the dwarf reciting a spell. Finder pointed at the dwarf. A semi transluscent blueish armor suddenly covered the dwarf.
The priest: Oh fuck it!
The priest rolled back his sleeves and tore off the lower part of his robe in one swift move. He straightened his back with a loud crack and stretched his arm upwards. The priest howled:
The priest: Come on shitheads, its now or never!
The priest dug his hands into the soil.
The priest: Old one, give us strength!


   The five of them walked slowly towards the group in the distance. Shodd saw that there where twelve warriors clad in leather armor, swinging axes. Only two had crossbows, and they didnt seem to want to use them. There where no ogre. It was the witch. He was three meters tall, covered in strange armor of glowing symbols. He whore no helmet and white haired fluttered in the wind.
The Dwarf: That guy dont need protection. What does he want with those warriors? Food?
The dwarf laughed heartily.
The dwarf: Killed by a huge friggin witch, yeah my father would have been proud.
The dwarf started walking so fast that Shodd had to put his hand on his shoulder and reign him in.

As the groups met they all bowed. Then there was a blinding light, much stronger then the suns coming from behind Shodd. Most of the enemies was taken totally off guard and they staggered back. Shodd threw his rock at one and he fell. Then Shodd charged towards the witch. The dwarf reached the soldiers before Shodd, and he seemed aware Shodd was behind him as he swung and killed one of the soldiers close to the witch. Shodd could see the witches armor where made of leather and he swung his tree trunk at the witches knee. But the witches reach was immense and the witch struck him with his fist. Shodd staggered and the witches hand shot black fire at Shodd. For some reason the fire just evaporated in front of Shodd as it got close, giving Shodd time to regain balance. Shodd braced himself and jumped at the witch, trying to get him to the ground to make it difficult to direct spells. They both crashed in a pile. As they landed the witch tried to turn and throw Shodd away. But both of Shodds immense arms where already grasping at the witches arms. The witch kneed Shodd in the torso knocking the air out of him, but Shodd was used to that kind of thing. As they where lying on the ground side by side, Shodd saw the dwarf come closer and Shodd rolled away. The axe swung at the witch but he stood up. Shodd leapt at his the witches knee, the while the dwarf swung at the other knee. The Witch tried a spell it was to late, he fell and Shodd heard bones being smashed. Shodd was to weak to get up from lack of oxygen, all he could do was cough as the dwarf covered himself in the witches blood. The battle was over.
   As Shodd stood up he felt a searing pain in his back.
The larger elf woman: Lay down, you are seriously injured.
Apparently one of the soldiers had hit Shodd at some point, the muscles on his wide back had a slash across them. As Shodd laid down he could see the old priest was dead and the elf called "Finder" was lying on the grass coughing blood. The other apprentices gathered around.
Shodd: Eh cannae she live?
He nodded toward Finder. A teenage human girl answered.
The girl: I can tell her what you need to tell her.
Shodd: Saya her i wans her toa remain.
The girl went over to the Finder and tried to calm her enough to listen to Shodds words. Shodds wounds where dressed. It took most of the apprentices and the still alive elf to carry him back to the stone circle. Shodd fell asleep from exhaustion.
   Slowly Shodd regained consciousness.
Finder: Look, all im saying is we need to be able to live together all of us. Of course we are different, im not denying that, and of course we have our natural habitats in varying places. We dwell under the earth like you. The gods tought us about metal, as they did with your people. You dont really think we could have figured the whole process by ourselves in a few hundred years?
The Dwarf: No it would take a long time, especially for you weak elfs, your arms are hardly enough to wield the hammers in our forges.
Shodd turned as he lay to see the ones talking. And a smile spread automatically across Shodds mouth as he layed eyes on the dwarf and Finder. Shodd looked at the Dwarf.
Shodd: Pleeez Menurr, watah!
Menurr the Dwarf stood up and walked away as a smile spread on his lips also. Shodd looked at Finder and switched to the old imperial tounge.
Shodd: It can not express to a large extent in the southern tounge. Shodd pointed to himself.
Shodd: And it are not well accustomed to the imperial tounge. Shodd pointed at Finder.
Finder: Well ill stay with this. I pick up languages quick though.
Shodd opened his mouth as to speak, but Finder was quicker.
Finder: You want to know how it is that my torso was all opened up a day ago and now im here talking to you with only a faint scar as a remainder. She pulled her robe aside and lifter her leather shirt. She pointed to a scar running through the middle of her chest to the left side of her stomach. I will tell you. I made one physically protective spell on Menurr, i protected you from magic and i thought i might get hurt so i made sure if i was my flesh would heal itself. My sister is very agile so i did not risk any spell on her. When we came closer i blinded them, but i passed out as i did. Apparently one of the soldiers wanted to kill a passed out elf.
Shodd: It is a powerfull mage i see. Shodd pointed to Finder.
Finder: Not really, it was the priest. He channeled power through Gomy and Bolgove. I could feel it inside my mind thrusting to get out. If i would not have felt it that clearly, i would never have risked such magic. Well anyway.
She sat closer to Shodd and patted him on the shoulder lightly.
Finder: We buried the priest. He died defending the temple, but i think to Bolgove his time had come. He sacrificed himself for us and the temple.

In the days to come all that was assembled in the temple took a vote to decide who the next guardian of the temple should be. The vote landed on Finder, thirteen out of eighteen votes. The whole temple was gathered sitting in a circle inside the stone circle.
Shodd: Ia wasu hopin yad come witt mee froma this plece.
Finder: Im sorry Shodd, i dont want to. But when ever you want to come back across the swamp and to these sacred hills, ill be here. Probably for a century. When you are old and gray i will still be here. I cant promise you i will have the same haircut and clothes, but its me at least.
They both laughed. Shodd turned to Menurr.
Menurr: Yeah ill come with yah. Temple life aint nuthing for me as long as those dregs are up and about.
Menurr pointed to a huge bonfire where the bodies of the soldiers burned. The body of the witch was never recovered, only his armor and  huge ceremonial dagger.
Menurr: Besides i have ooh about sixteen thousand orcs in these parts as sworn enemies, and the more we move about, the greater the chance we will run into some of them. Which is a good thing if we do. Or so say my axe.
Menurr tapped his axe and a beautiful metallic tone emanated from it.

Shodd and Menurr decided to head south, towards the big city called "Wolfs creek". They packed their backpacks and kissed everyone goodbye. Finder gave Shodd a talisman, a lightly glowing stone.
Finder: I can help you through that, but only once. And another thing. I know you where schooled by the philosophers up north and so you talking like that, not referring to people. I know why you do it, but just please stop, its hard to know who you are talking about if they are not there.
   Shodd: It... Shodd slowly pointed to himself. Will consider that. They kissed once again and a young minotaur and a sort of young dwarf walked south.
   On the way south they met a merchant and his daughter... But thats another story.


Chapter 1 Meeting up


The lamp hanging in the middle of the cluttered room swayed in the gust of wind that blew in as an old door swung open. Darkness leaked into the room from the street outside. Jake squinted his eyes so as to see who was there. He saw no-one.
Jake: Come in!
   A wet bodiless voice emanating from the darkness, didnt say anything but did do some breathing. Jake could hear it even through the sound of the spluttering rain outside.
Jake: Hey mister smokeman, just get in will yah, before the beggars get ideas.
   The door slowly closed and the room was filled with the scent of  incense made of citrus. As the door closed completely there was a sudden change in air pressure and a heap of parchment rustled. Jake felt a presence by the small stove that heats the room. Slowly the prescence drew in on itself and gathered mass. Jake could see the shape was female.
Jake: Sorry about calling you a man, most people like you are. Erh... By the way, when is this minotaur supposed to show up? Whatever was his name, Shodd?
The woman: Yes.
Jake: Its a funny name really, isnt it?
   Jake rose from his place among thick, dark colored fabrics, picking one of them up to shield his naked body from the cold. He mumbled slowly and snapped his fingers on his right hand. The cloth drew closer to his body. Without seems it was fitted into a robe in seconds. Cloth grew out of the neck region to form an unused hood.
The woman: Fancy trick you have there, apprentice boy! I hope you are not doing that to show off, im not that kind of woman.
   It was not clear to Jake exactly what she meant, but he had been drinking wine. However it was clear she was a woman accustomed to blodshed. Her black leather armor had many patched holes in it, and it had seen a lot of wear from bloodstains being scrubbed away. She had multiple talismans hanging from her neck, all very simple and of soft materials, probably so as not to make any sound. Her hair was cut short so as not to get in her face, but the hair further back on head was longer and reached down to the middle of her back. She was older then Jake would have thought.
   Jake approached her slowly and watched her eyes while he did. She was looking at his feet and his right arm.
Jake: Calm down you can see i dont have a weapon and my master told you about me right?
He stood close to her. He felt her breath, it was cold and smelled earthy.
Jake: You have been below the city.
   She nodded and he hugged her. A tear came rolling down on Jakes robe and he smelled the salt in it. Jake slowly read a truth spell out loud. Slowly she pushed away from him and slowly went to sit among the fabrics, looking at some of the items on the shelves lining the room: Clay jars, a small bowl made of silver with dried blood in it, many different flutes, coins from many different countries and even a few from other worlds, books written in forgotten languages, poems written in an ugly script.
   The woman removed the armor from her upper body, and beneath was a dirty and sweaty shirt which she removed also. Meanwhile Jake made tea. She threw the shirt on clean floor.
The woman: Sorry about that.
She nodded towards the shirt.
Jake: Ill clean it later. Anything else you want cleaned while im at it?
   It seemed she searched for irony or sarcasm in his face. He was used to people doing that, even though it still made him uncomfortable. She didnt find anything like that it seemed. The air in the room took on another color as they studied each others faces. Jake decided she looked very tired, and possibly wounded.
Jake: Well if...
   Jake was interrupted by the door, it swung open. A huge figure in the opening blocked the light from the street. It entered. It looked like a four hundred pound man with a forty pound head of a bull. Hes right arm and right leg was covered in dented platemail. The rest was protected by lightly colored leather armor, except the head which was naked. A small pool of blood formed where he stood. Jake had the feeling the pool would grow larger. A powerfull smell of oiled armor and sweat filled the room. There was a terrible sound as the minotaur dropped a shield with two crossbow bolts jutting from it on the floor, followed by a bloody two handed axe.
   Jake came up to the minotaur and gave him some support just in case he had a problem standing while he removed his armor. A crossbow bolt was embedded in the muscles of his stomach and there was a deep cut in his left shoulder.
The woman: Dont sit here Shodd you will bleed all over these nice fabrics.
   She caressed the fabrics, as if it was her last chance just in case the Shodd would pass out and really need a place to lie down. Shodd got a firm grip of the bolt in his stomach and janked it out splattering blood on the wall. Jake tried dodging the blood, but got some on him. Jake looked at the woman.
Jake: Give him one of those.
   Jake pointed to the fabrics and the woman rolled it up and threw it to the minotaur who began tying the fabric around his abdomen. Jake read a spell to remove dirt from the wounds without touching them, and then he touched the minotaur on his back.

After a while no-one had any armor left and it seemed Shodd didnt bleed all to terrible if he didnt move.
Jake: Well im Jake anyway, apprentice to uuuh Nagaro i guess. Sometimes i apprentice for Sarah, you know the, the...uuuh herbalist elf woman you know down the same street as blackbeer. If she ever crawls outta her hole you know... Dont know if either of you know Nagaro, hes from the southeast, Hinterlands i think its called here in the democracy. Well its a small island region... His speech trailed off as there was a waning interest from his audience. Well anyway, who are you Shodd?
Shodd: Imma noan toa sey.
   It was truly hard for Jake even to hear where one word ended and the next began.
Jake: Errrh... so yeah why is that?
Shodd: I donna wanna be a rooda eh? I no talk abot me for me. Odderz talk aboat me, thats how eh is okey? So i sey no more.
Jake: Ok well aaah... You swing that thing around in your right hand?
Jake pointed at the axe on the floor. Shodd nodded.
He turned to the woman.
The woman: Im called "K"
K: I dont remember it all, but i think Nagaro asked me to come here. I knew this place since before, i came here yesterday also but no-one was here so i guess my memory failed me. I dont know how Nagaros mind work really, hes got some really weird variables bouncing around his mellon. I guess he thinks we should finally meet, oh i dunno, workwise? The woman raised her left shoulder as to indicate confusion.
Jake: Yes i agree.
Shodd didnt say anything even though both Jake and K looked at him, obviously expecting him to speak his mind.
Jake: So you read a lot of Tenagra?
Shodd: Yah
Jake: And you consider yourself a sceptic then?
Shodd: Please, i refer to woot i sey befo.
   Shodd changed language to older imperial tounge, fitting him better as most sounds lay back in the mouth, and to Jake and K it seemed the language he grew up with.
Shodd: As it speaks, it must rely on the mind of others, if not careful. 
Jake: I respect that.
K: I respect that.
Both Jake and K bent their heads to Shodds wisdom.


Chapter 2 Nagaros will


Jake: Well you need to rest and get something topside on those wounds.
Jake was sitting beside Shodd, patting his back and scratching it.
Jake: You should rest here until we can be sure those wont open back up again.
Shodd just looked at him with tired eyes.
Jake: Okey then.
K: I hear the undead in the tower yard and there about is growing.
K was sitting on Jakes preferred place among the fabrics. She was cleaning her armor.
Jake: Think that whats on Nagaros mind?
K: Not sure, hes not really the talkative type.
Jake: But you respect the council?
K: I have respect for some of them.
Jake: What does that mean exactly?
K: Oh i dont know exactly, that guy with the red robes and maybe that old hag, they seem nice, the rest of em... Not so sure. Dont even remember how many there are.
Jake: There are nine of them. The hag is called "old Verina". The dude goes by the name "Father". Well anyway, i dont trust all of them either. Im not that into politics though. I do trust Nagaro though, ive seen aeons into his will, and its not faltering. I even went backwards to check him out, he never raised his hand in anger. I didnt even think that was possible, but apparently...
Jakes eyes wandered and he seemed to loose the will to carry on talking. To K it was obvious that he became mentally preoccupied and the awareness disappeared from his eyes. Time became unimportant as Shodd slept on his thin, bloodied cloth.. K put her armor beneath his head for support. Jake went completely into his mind. K went through the shelves looking for something to eat. She couldnt find anything so she went outside. When she got back Jake had put a kettle on the fire and was stiring it. Shodd slept deeply on the floor.
K: I couldnt find any food, so you must have had that hidden away.
Jake: No, i made it from scratch, kind of a hassle but i didnt want to leave Shodd.
K: Well i got some normal people food here, maybe you want to add some of it into your...
K made a pause and tasted the possible words and what they might mean. She leaned over the edge and looked into the kettle.
K: Vegetables.
She dropped some dried lambs meat into the kettle and Jake did not protest. She stood behind him and put his fingers to his head, touching specific regions gently.
Jake: Did not know the shadows taught that kind of thing.
K: They dont, ive been around a lot longer then you.
Jake: Yes, but where did you learn it?
K: Sometimes you talk to much.
Jake turned to face her.

As the kettle boiled, the night rolled on and gusts of wind kept hitting the disproportionate door. Darkness faded and suddenly a small star broke through the horizon, and soon another bigger star bathed the house in a strong orange color. As the light grew whiter, the door finally swung open and a young man dressed in a wine-red robe stood in the opening. He stretched his arms towards the rising suns and rose on the front of his feet. Then he bent forward touching his feet as a mass of blonde hair poured over his shoulder. From behind him a deep, powerful but calm voice was heard:
Shodd: Whaddaya done eh? Dis int e plece i goto yessterde!
Jake turned to face Shodd inside the house. K had put one piece of cloth on top of Shodd, one below and her armor was still below his head as Shodd rose and came up to Jake, while scratching his abdomen, removing bits of dried blood close to the wound on his stomach.
Jake: Hey big guy, take it easy with that and dont scratch close to it.
Jake nodded toward the wound.
Shodd came closer and Jake got out of the way to let the minotaur outside, but Shodd stopped in the opening and bent down to fit the opening.
Shodd: Eh man, did yah fuck in mah brein?
Jake: What? Did i fuck your brain?
Shodd: I ask, yeh.
Jake giggled.
Jake: Yeah i guess so, its the residue of a spell, it will wear off soon. Its...
Jake could not finish the sentence as he saw the minotaur flexing his right side muscles as if to land a blow with his right hand. Jake lept backwards and thin a, mostly transparent blue disc appeared between him and the minotaur. Only in Jakes mind did the blow land square on the shield and make a thunderous sound as the energy was disseminated. In reality nothing happend, the minotaur was still. But in his eyes was black rage and lack of logic. Shodd pushed air through his nostrils in such a powerful way as to affect the edges of the nostril. Shodd grunted and spit flew out of his mouth as the muscles on his right arm grew to immense proportions. Shodd half shouted, half spoke in the old imperial tounge, his voice so powerful that jake felt it coming unto his chest like a hurricane:
Shodd: DONT EVER CAST SPELLS ON A MINOTAUR UNLESS YOU WANT TO KILL IT, WORTHLESS LITTLE MAGGOT! IT WILL TARE ITS INSIGNIFICANT LITTLE HEAD FROM THAT WORTHLESS DUNG HEAP OF A BODY IT THINK IT CONTROLS BENEATH IT IF IT EVER SO MUCH AS THINK OF USING THAT SORT OF MAGIC ON IT EVER AGAIN. 
As Shodd spoke, he tore of a piece of the doorpost. Stone and mortar came down as the opening became unstable. His left fist swung from below and smashed the upper part of the doorpost, transforming a lot of into dust, gushing out toward Jake. Stone fell on Shodds enormous head but he did not seem to care. Jake backed away as Shodds thigh muscles flexed as if he was going to rush Jake. But still the minotaur did not move. Jake could see it took Shodds complete composure not to be totally blinded by rage and do what his body seemed to tell him to do. Shodd quivered from the effort of not moving. From inside the house K used a deep voice:
K: Dont fucking kill him you idiot! He is just a kid!
K jumped unto Shodd from behind and suddenly instead of Shodd K stood in the opening. A loud crash was heard from inside the house. There was a moment of stillness as Jake looked at K in her nighttime garment of a very large shirt that ended by the knees. The back of Jakes robe was wet and sweat poured down his face. Jake fell to his knees and keeled over as his eyes rolled back. K panted from effort and took a few deep breathes. She grabbed Jake by the shoulders of his robe and dragged him through the grass into the house. Shodd stood up from where Ks throw landed him in the middle of the house that consisted of one room. Shodd shook violently. He spoke again in the old imperial tounge:
Shodd: It can not forgive such failure, the boy is a menace to itself. It can not be trusted. It will get it killed. 
Shodd pointed to his chest as he spoke the second "it" in the last sentence.
Shodd: No no no, this is not right. 
Shodd buried his face in his fists, grinding his eyes and pulling at the skin of his face. K approached him and she paused as to make sure he would not attack her. He was still and she got closer. She grabbed his fists and lowered them and slowly walked straight into his chest. As she stood fully and he did too, her head did not reach him further then solar plexus. The wound on his stomach and the smaller on his right shoulder had opened up and blood spilled unto Ks huge shirt as she held Shodds arms down, parallel to his body. The blood on Ks shirt was blended by Shodds tears.
K: You are wounded and you just managed to open those up again. You are not going to kill him now, so just sit down ok?
Shodd crashed unto the fabric he had been sleeping on.

At midday Jake woke.
Jake: What happend? I remember Shodd got angry and then all black. What the hell...?
Jake stood up and pulled his robe up from the ground, looking at his torso. Hairline fractures of the skin crisscrossed his torso and almost invisibly small rivers of blood had come out from beneath. He had small, fresh bruises on random places, as if he had been beaten with a small object like a stick. He muttered under his breath:
Jake: God damn mother of... mold smelling idiot... the hind end of dirty animals...
K: Look, i dont have time for this sort of general silly behaviour. Its not your fault you dont know shit, its Nagaros. You havent even earned your stay, nor the ink you scribble unto those scrolls.
K pointed at the scrolls of bad poetry on the shelfs inside the house.
Jake: Hey!
Jake was shouting at K, who now was fully dressed in her leather armor, holding a bowl of soup.
Jake: I dont have to take that kind of abuse! I am who i am and if i made a mistake i will atone!


Chapter 3 Atonement

Jake ran across the clearing into the woods. K hesitated and watched him run, the heavy fabric of his robe fluttering, changing color to the colors of the forest.
   K stayed for five days and took care of Shodd in the damaged stone house, making him soup and dressing his wounds.
K: Your wounds are getting the first signs of new skin.
K was stirring the kettle on the fire, Shodd was lying in a corner among some fabrics.
K: I dont know where Jake ran, north somewhere. Im not sure if he even knows where we are. Either ill go after him myself, or you come with me. But i dont recommend that you come with me, there is a great chance we will get into trouble with the demons crawling all over.
Shodd: Ice are commin
Shodd stood up with some effort.
K and Shodd tried to follow Jakes tracks for a few hours. It seemed they led unto a small path which they followed. After a while they felt the smell of humans and animals. Soon they heard rhytmic ringing sounds.
K: Lets go in and see if hes around.

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Jake ran until he was out of breath. As his senses came to he noticed he was in a dark forest, cold and wet from sweat. He slumped against a tree and lay breathing heavily in a pile. It was getting darker. Jake sat up and gathered his composure. He mumbled quietly and a faint red light shot out from his body. The light lingered in some places but was slowly dissipated into the ground. Jake foraged for firewood in the vicinity and placed some of it on the ground. He snapped his fingers and a huge sparks lighted the wood. Jake sat down with his back against a tree and his eyes closed.
   Jakes eyes fluttered and he stood up. He was still in the forest, and now it was very dark outside of the small glowing fireplace. He heard twigs breaking. His right hand started glowing with rivers of blue magic, crisscrossing his skin on his hand. A deep, powerful voice shouted commands from the direction where the sound of breaking twigs came. Jake ducked behind a tree and peered in that direction. An armor clad figure approached, and there where more of them behind the first. Their armor did not give much sound.
   Blue lightning shot out from Jakes arm unto the figure. There was a thunderous sound and the figure was knocked to the ground in a cloud of smoke and ash. Three figures rushed out from the darkness. They where dressed in pelts and had armor of hardened leather. One of them had a battleaxe drawn. Jake ran, and the figures ran too. Jake crashed through dead branches and slipped on wet moss. As he hit the ground the air was knocked out of him. As he turned as he lay he saw a boot crashing into his ribs. The force of the blow turned him on his stomach again. Jake tried to get up but something hit him on the back of his head. As he lay bleeding air bubbled through a hole in his chest, where the kick landed. The skin on the back of his head was broken and blood poured into his eyes.
   Someone: You lay there foolish boy, and if you get up its the last damn thing you do.
The voice was female.
   The woman: We are here for you, i take it it was you who so foolishly used protection magic, and in the process alerting me to your presence. I am sure with your theoretical knowhow, that head of yours will fetch a nice price in the Sunpalace. That is if you live that long, or at least your head. And dont try to kill yourself, ill just hurt you more.
   Jake was pulled to his feet by two men. One of them had burns on his face and torso. They where both wearing pelts and chainmail. The woman was wearing a wide robe of thin fabric and pelts beneath. She looked to be half a century old. She looked at Jakes wounds and said something to her men. Two more men in the same garments came up from behind. They started talking amongst themselves, pointing and reasoning about the hissing wound that punctured Jakes lung. The woman waited impatiently.
   After a while the woman sighed and the men not holding Jake walked into the shadows slowly feeling their way.
   The woman: Look, they say you will die tommorrow if we dont do something about that wound. Damnit, these guys are just too good at kicking idiot boys lying around in the forest.
   She looked at the wounded man. And laughed.
The woman: Your magic is weak little boy. Arshaff is hardly hurt, he´d have broken bottles do far worse to him.
   She laughed again.
The Woman: Hell i even saw angry whores doing a better job at trying to kill him then that.

The men made a bed for Jake and the woman dressed is wound and put something foul smelling into the wound. Jake had a fever and dreams more horrible then todays reality filled his sleep.

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K slowly made her way towards a pallisade. Inside many pillars of smoke arrose and in the middle there was a simple wooden turret guarded by a peasant woman with a heavy crossbow mounted to the side of the turret. There where also longbows without strings leaned against a wall. K squinted as to remove some of the wear and tear that many years often bring to human eyes. She slowly got back to Shodd who sat meditating on dry moss.
   K: Its humans. Looks like they are ready for trolls or a big demon or two. Not that ready though. Want me to find out if he is in there or should we just walkt straight in.
Shodd: Peoples arh trappaz. Ice no eh fellah, Izzon. Eh thrust me.
Shodd rose, sharpened his axe in two strokes, put it on his back and unstrapped his shield. Shodd led the way into the village and it seemed they knew him there. Some villagers made a place for them inside a house and gave them beer and reindeer meat. They had their fill and Shodd told one of the kids to go get "Izzon". The door opened and a man thirty something years old, with long, thick hair and pants made of reindeer skin came into the house and sat between K and Shodd in front of the fireplace. He was clean and smelled of flowers. He hugged Shodd heartely.
The man: They call me "Isorn" in the village. The forest call me "Sat". The elfs call me "Peltbringer". The city has no name for me, for i dont go there.
K: Well then, Sat. Im called "Imon".
Imon formerly known as "K" did not flinch or hesitate as she used this other name. Shodd raised an eyebrow, and when a minotaur raises an eyebrow, people notice, for their eyebrows are as big as a knife.
Isorn looked at Shodd and back again at Imon.
Imon: We lost our friend to rage and fear. I is young and ran into the forest. We need to get him back.
Isorn: Why?
Imon hesitated and looked surprised at the same time.
Imon: Well he is the apprentice of a friend and i think im supposed to look after him. Besides we are not supposed to be here, we are supposed to be in the city.
Isorn: You are not supposed to be in the city.
Imon: What? Who are you to say?
Imon tensed and the straps in her armor gave sound. Shodd put an enormous hand on her shoulder, weighing her down.
Shodd: Esskus meh frenn, she no mannez. Yah see we loose a frenn in the forest yah? He be pissant but carry fayah in heart and magic. We compensete yah fer trabble eh?
Isorn: Aye. Ill think about it ok? Dudes an women coming here, tellin me what to do? It pisses me off!
Even though the harsh words, Isorn did not seem upset, and Imon settled down. Isorn stared into the fire for a while. Then he rose.
Isorn: No i want no part of this, too dangerous, this boy to dangerous, he taken by the witch by now anyway.
Shodd nodded.
Shodd: Weas eh whytch?
Isorn pointed west south west and left the house. Shodd stood up and dropped one copper coin on the floor.
Shodd: I no likey yoh lie about neme.
Imon: Just call me "K", alright?
Shodd: Yeah, K.
Shodd patted K on the head and they left the village. As they walked out a few small children followed in their tracks. K walked up to them.
K: Look, you cant come with us, its dangerous out there and you know it. Isorn say there is a slaver witch from the demon lands about.
A small girl dressed in a fox skin coat and reindeer boots hugged Ks leg.
The small girl: What is your name? How old are you?
K: Look i really dont have time for this, our friend is probably captured by the witch already, she can probably sense that...
She was interrupted by the girl.
The small girl:  This is my bird, hes called "Tim". She was stroking a sparrow sitting on her arm.
K: Well thats nice but...
She was interupted again as Shodd shoved her out of the way. Shodd kneeled in front of the child and spoke to her in the imperial tounge.
Shodd: Its very happy to see it well fed and well in spirit. Maybe it knows of its predicament, and if so it knows it could use its assistance. 
K noticed Shodd was not talking to the child, he was talking to the bird. The bird answered in a few chirps and twists of the wings and neck. Shodd scratched his head and looked at the girl. Shodd spoke again, this time to the girl in the common language of the new peoples of the south.
Shodd: Was is said?
The small girl: I dunno, i cant speak birdish.
Suddenly the bird flew west.

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Jake awoke on a the floor of a wagon. He was tied to the floor and four other people where tied to the wooden walls of the wagon. Two children, a man and a woman. The man and the woman had torn clothes and bruises. A heavy cloth on top of the wagon made it impossible to see outside.
Jake: Where am i?
The man: In hell. Or thats where we are going at least. He spat blood unto the floor.
Jake had bandage around his torso, and his breathing was steady.
Jake: How long was i out?
The man: They kept you in a coma for three days to make you heal faster. That woman used magic on you i think.
Voices was heard from outside and the wagon stopped. The cloth was withdrawn. They where on a mudd road heading west. The landscape was quite barren and only small trees was seen. It was the woman with the white hair that pulled off the cloth.
The white haired woman: Well well, lookie here. I thought you would sleep for a week, well i guess i half to make you sleep some more then eh?
She started drawing in magic into her hands, more and more. A small blue tendril came out from Jakes right arm and cut the rope. Quickly Jake formed a translucent blueish sphere around himself.
The white haired woman: What the fuck are you doing you stupid little whelp?
Jake rose from to his feet, rage and fear totally controlling him.
Jake lashed out with multiple tendrils at the same time as the white haired woman pointed at him and the air was sucked out of his lungs. The white haired womans face was deeply clawed by the tendrils and she screamed loudly. Before Jake crashed back unto the wagon floor he saw the man driving the wagon clutch at his throat where a heavy dagger just ripped open his jagular veine and blood sprayed through a gaping hole in his throat unto the children at the back of the wagon.

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K and Shodd followed the bird. Every time they needed rest, the bird stopped and sang for them. After one day they got out of the forest. Soon they found the remains of a campsite. A wagon had been loaded and it rolled northwest for a bit. Soon it seemed the wagon had gone up a mudd road and headed west.
K: If we drop most of our food we can move faster. If we move fast for four days we should be able to catch up to them.
Shodd hid his shield and K removed half her armor. They ate pure fat at strapped the waterskins to their backs. And so they began jogging at a moderate pace. After three days they where both very hungry and dehydrated. They saw noone on the road in all that time. They slowed the pace and kept going for two more days before Shodd stopped and pointed into the distance. K could not see what he was pointing at, but she nodded. They kept pace with the wagon and counted to five people, one with long white hair, and five soldiers with armor and close combat weapons. One soldier carried a crossbow on his back. They kept no banner.

At night K removed her armor and opened a potion of black paint that she painted herself with. She left her belongings with Shodd, except a dagger and another small potion.
K: Im a bit weak but i think i can do this. Please try to find something to eat even though its at night, ill go and give a general antidote to Jake if he is in the wagon. If it works he will awaken from the coma they are keeping him in. They know he can probably kill them with magic so they are afraid of him, thats why they are keeping him sedated. When he wakes up, what ever happens ill creep out from under the wagon and kill the driver. The soldiers will probably be two in front and two at the back. You have to draw attention to yourself at that time otherwise im fucked, i cant fight four veteran soldiers so ill just run away. You have to attack then. When they turn towards you ill come in from behind and kill another one or at least try. Lets hope Jake will kill the witch. Are you with me?
Shodd nodded.
   K was engulfed in shadows and Shodd started searching for eadible plants nearby. After a while Shodd heard a faint sound of grass moving and he ducked down and held his axe in front of him. It was K.
K: He didnt wake up. But there is an empty casket big enough for me to hide in. So ill go into that and stay there until he wakes up. If he wont wake up i have to wait until the next night, then get out and start killing. Its my only chance.
Shodd: Yah will die ifn yah do it.
K: I know.
   K ate some berries and roots that Shodd found and then she went off into the shadows again. Shodd was awakened by the dawn. As soon as the wagons started rolling Shodd walked on. For some reason Shodd started walking faster, so as to gain on the wagon. When the sun had crept high on the sky, Shodd was not far from the wagon and the soldiers had looked at him many times. The wagon stopped and the witch pulled of the cloth protecting the cargo, people.
   Shodd sprinted. The driver keeled over, the witches face was torn off and Shodd burried his axe in the first of the two soldiers at the back. He ran past the second soldier and saw the black shape of K fleeing out into the grass fields. As he got to the witch who was still reeling backwards from getting her face torn, he put his head down and rushed her with his horns. She was impaled and he picked her up as he ran and threw her at the guard with the crossbow who was knocked to the ground. The fourth guard weered and swung his axe at Shodd. The axe slashed across Shodds leather while shodds right platemail covered fist crashed into the soldiers face. The soldier stepped back and Shodd had to leap aside as the guard he ran by got closer.
   Now Shodd had two battle hardened, armored and axe swinging soldiers in front of him. He backed slowly and the soldiers where sizing him up.
   K noticed noone was following her. She also saw a struggling guard with a badly wounded witch on top of him struggling to get her off. This was her target. She ran as fast as she could. Before she got close the soldier had stood up and was facing her. She was unarmed, the only dagger she had carried was buried in the drivers neck. The soldier was swinging his battle axe around, an evil smirk spreading on his lips. K tried a feinting a kick with her left leg, and instead switching to a punch with her right hand. The soldier was not intimidated in his chainmail armor so he swung at her. She managed to duck and back off instead.
   Shodd swung at the left soldier who parried while the right one attacked shodds leg. There was a loud metal sound as the axe bounced off Shodds platemail. Shodd grabbed the parrying soldier by the neck and tried to shove him into the other soldier. It didnt work and the other soldier hit Shodd in the side with his axe, chopping through the leather armor. Shodd dropped his axe and in one swoop lifted the soldier he grabbed and slammed him on top of the first. His hoof crushed the head of the lower soldier. He grabbed his axe and chopped the other on in half before he could get up.
   K was backing away from her attacker who was suddenly decapitated by Shodd. Shodd sat down panting heavily. K took one of the soldiers axes and buried it in the dying witch. K freed the humans while Jake regained consiousness.
Jake: Im alive!
Jake was exhilirated, touching his arms and his face.

A letter to a pal (Ett brev till en polare)

Erh, this is also in Swedish. Its an existential letter tp a friend about our time and our predicament. I never sent it though. Not sure why, i guess i would just start missing him to much if we got in touch. The original is at the bottom

Jag vaknade på morgonen. Jag försökte ta kontakt med dig men det gick inte. Jag ville berätta om två perspektiv: Det nära och det fjärran. Jag börjar med det nära

Jag slås allt oftare av tankar som: Vad fan är det vi håller på med egentligen? Med det som bakgrund vill jag säga: Jag tycker vi träffats betydligt mindre än vi borde det närmaste 10 åren, och livet är inte oändligt. Så en kort resumé kunde vara på sin plats. Det är sent nittiotal och jag träffar kärleken en andra gång. Du fick kanske träffa henne en gång eller två. På jakt efter visdom flyttar vi söderut. Jag hittar allt från ryska språkpsykologer till romerska levnadskonstnärer som vågade tänka större än livet. Man får dock gå klädd i ringbrynja och ducka för skurar av skit som folk kräkts genom mun penna genom årtusendena.

Sedan undersökte jag makt, och ju närmare jag kom, ju mindre, tunnare och obetydligare verkade denna dimma bli.

Nu det fjärran perspektivet. Jag tror säkert Fredrik Reinfeldt är mysig kille att umgås med. Men han är antingen en statsfinansierad terrorist eller orutinerad mellanstadieunge. Vad jag kunde se trodde han uppriktigt på Köpenhamnmötet 2009. Hur kan man som statschef vara så historiskt oinsatt att man tror världen kan sätta sig ned och enas över en kväll eller två? Jag antingen är han en mellanstadieunge som just lärt sig läsa men inte hunnit använda sin förmåga till nånting, eller så visste han mötets utgång i förväg i vilket fall han åkt runt och slösat miljoner av skattepengar på nånting helt i onödan. Wikileaks diplomatläcka gör det klart för vilken läskunnig som helst att US och FN tryckt på och lagt saker i hans mun och medvetande. Han vill vara med och leka i kretsar där våldet kommer i en handske av sammet och där man pratar snällt på morgonen och bombar svältande på kvällen.

Vi i våran tid att få bevittna de yttersta konsekvenserna av samvarons förintande. Vi kommer att få bevittna exakt varför det inte är någon speciellt bra ide att låta multinationella företag och deras psykopatledare sätta dagordningen i jakt på sina gröna papperslappar.

Människorna i våra stadsmakter har fastnat i en djup svacka mellan två fatalt misstagna ideologier som bägge bygger på förödande idéer som vägrar ändras.

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I awoke in he morning. I tried to get in touch with you, but i couldnt do it. I want to tell you about two perspectives: The things close and the things further away. Ill start with the things that are close.

Increasingly often i am struck by thoughts like: What the fuck are we doing? With that as a background, i want to say: I think we have met far less then is appropriate for the last 10 years, and (my) life is not eternal. So a short resumé of the last 10 years is probably a good idea: Its the late ninties and i meet love a second time. You met her once or twice. In the hunt for wisdom we went south together. I find everything from russian developmental psychologists to roman lifeartists who where not afraid to think bigger then life itself. Though you have to wear a chainmail armor and dodge bursts of bullshit that people womited through mouth and pencil through the millenia.

Then i investigated power, and the closer i came, the smaller, thinner and insignificant this fog seemed to become.

No about the things further away. I am sure Fredrik Reinfeldt (Swedish prime minister) is a cozy guy to hang around. But he is either a state financed terrorist or a grade school kid that is still wet behind the ears. From what i could see he really believed in Copenhagen in 2009. How can a chief of state be so historically ignorant  that he thinks the world could just sit down and get together about everything in a day or two. Well either he is a grade school kid who just learned how to read, but havent been able to use this ability for anything, or he knew the outcome of the Copenhagen meetings in which case he has been going around wasting millions of state funds for no good reason at all. Wikileaks diplomacy leak make it clear to anyone able to read makes it apparent that the US and the UN has been pushing him, putting things in his mind and mouth. He wants to playing in circles where violence comes in a velvet glove and where you talk nice in the morning and bomb starving people at night.

Right now in our time we get to witness the desintegration of togetherness. We will bare witness as to why its not a good idea to let multinational corporations and their psychopath leaders make the agend of the day in their hunt for green paper notes.

The people in places of power is caught in a deep gorge between two fataly misstaken ideologies who are both based on ideas that are resistant to change.

The fog of time (Tidens dimma)

So erh, this is in Swedish. Its a poem about difficulties ive had to face, and about change in general. Ill translate it into english. If its strange or hard to understand, its because i couldnt find a good way of translating it. For those of you who know Swedish, the original is found below.


Sometimes everything changes overnight, because we ourselves are the cause or of other reasons. There is a thin line between denying these changes there meaning, and on the other hand throwing yourself into a tumultuos turn of events. The problem is to be able to uphold an illusion of "me" when you are close to this thin line.


People are bored, they are not satisfied with their job. They do come home to a family they like, but the activities they engage in is nothing they truly enjoy. Preprogrammed media content, aimed at the shadows of the unconsious grinds its way inside and pushes the consious content out. Word, pictures and sounds, you cant hear a message at all, no purpose other then to very briefly trap the unconsious in a timely prison. If i lived like that i would have felt existence like extra fine sand pouring through my fingers.


I think i did everything for us, but im still lost. Maybe i struck unto the wrong path. All the time i try to understand what you mean, when you say the things that you do, i just dont understand what they mean. Your logic is like a fleeting fog that i chase all the time, and when i catch up to it it slips through my fingers every time.


Where ever i go i carry the power
Where ever i go i am never alone
Where ever i go there i always somebody i can trust
What ever i do i always have a choice
What ever hardship is visited upon me, i can pull through
What ever happens ive got myself


I dont think technology, humans and the environment should be thought of as separate from each other, even if thats how we have done in the past. I mean that we dont have to repeat old misstakes.
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Ibland förändras allting över en natt, för att vi själva är upphov till förändringen eller ibland av andra skäl. Det går en hårfin gräns mellan att förneka dessa förändringar deras innebörd å ena sidan, och att kasta sig ut i ett kaosartat tumult å den andra sidan. Besväret ligger i att kunna upprätthålla en jagillusion när man är denna gräns nära.

Människor har det tråkgt, dom trivs inte med sin arbete. Dom kommer visserligen hem till en familj som dom tycker om, men de aktiviteter man ägnar sig åt njuter man inte speciellt mycket av. Förprogrammerade mediatablåer inriktade på det undermedvetnas skuggor maler sig in och tränger undan medvetandet. Ord, bilder och toner, man hör har inget budskap, inget syfte annat än att mycket tillfälligt fängsla det undermedvetna i ett tidsligt fängelse. Om jag hade levt så hade jag känt tillvaron som extra små sandkorn som rinner mellan mina fingrar.

Jag tycker jag gjort allt för oss, men jag är ändå vilsen. Kan ske vi slagit in på fel väg. Jag försöker hela tiden förstå vad du menar, när du säger dom saker du säger, för jag förstår inte vad dom betyder. Din logik är som en flyktig dimma jag hela tiden jagar, och när jag hinner ikapp den far den mellan mina fingrar varje gång.

Var jag än går har jag makten med mig
Var jag än är så är jag aldrig ensam
Var jag än är finns där alltid någon jag kan lita på
Vad jag än gör har jag alltid ett val
Vad jag än utsätts för kan jag klara det
Vad som än händer har jag mig själv

Jag tror inte teknologi, människa och miljö ska vara separerade eller tänkas som separerade, även fast det ofta varit så vi gjort. Jag menar att man inte behöver repetera gamla misstag.